Hearing Loss LIVE! Talks What We Learned: Hearing Loss & Limits

With hearing loss comes certain limits. Hearing aids and cochlear implants have limits. We bump up against limits, learn about them and then figure out a way around them. Let's talk about limits and how they can actually help us. Hearing partners will learn a few things too!
 
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Transcript

SPEAKERS

Chelle, Julia Stepp

Hearing Loss LIVE! talks what we learned about hearing loss and limits. 

Julia: Good morning, and welcome to Hearing Loss LIVE! We hope you are subscribing, liking, sharing all of our content, joining us for our workshops, and looking over our for sale product. This month, we have talked about hearing loss and limits. And we had by far, I think, one of our largest, Let's Talk Tuesday workshops. So, obviously, we're struggling with limits, right. And so the greatest thing we can have is each other to talk about what limits look like for us how we can respect each other's limits, and what that might look like. And how that it changes with hearing loss, not just for those with the hearing loss, but your hearing partners need to be aware that there is going to be changes and limits may change, and they need to be okay with it. Chelle, what did you learn, she led a uber super awesome workshop, I had to caption for another event that night. And there was lots and lots we learned this month with limits. Give us some insight.

Chelle: This is Chelle. It was an amazing workshop. And it made me realize how limited people feel with their hearing loss. We opened with where do people feel limited. And what we got was at restaurants, people feel limited in participating in conversation at restaurants. There's a lot of background noise. Talk can bounce around tables, depending on how many people you have. So there's, there's a limit, we feel there quite often. Group activities and gatherings is another place where a lot of people feel limited when they have hearing loss. And that's okay. You find out what your limit is. And then you work with that limit. Like okay, there's 20 people at this gathering. I can only focus on about five people at a time. So I need to step off the side and talk to a few people that way, instead of trying to participate in the larger conversation, which would be pretty much impossible at times. So there's, you have limits, but you can get around those limits. Another one was somebody brought up, it's they feel very limited on hearing their grandchildren. And kids bounce around a lot. They have high pitched voices, and a lot of us have the high frequency hearing loss. So kids are the hardest ones to hear. Not only that, but kids can't look in the eye. They're they're looking over here, they're looking over there. They're bouncing around and all of that so so they felt limited, trying to hear and be in their grandkids lives. And then another limit, the all time favorite. "It's not important." "I'll tell you later." Boy is that one isolate us like nothing else really. Laugh- being in a group is laughing and not being able to laugh is a really hard thing to take. So there's, there's different limits, we can approach with that one too. One of the things I did find out through the workshop and the opening was how much technology expands our limits. So we can't do such and such without our technology. Without my hearing aids, I'm more limited than with my hearing aids. But if I bring a microphone that's paired to my hearing aids, a lot of us have hearing aids, different brands, there's usually a companion microphone, and if they can give that to people, they feel a little less limited. So it was just a lot of good talk on this workshop and good participation. Great group of participants, and I did- it left me thinking even more.

Julia: It's interesting that technology has boomed. If anything good of the pandemics gonna come out it was the technology got a little bit of a more of a boost and understanding on how important it is. When you are working on limits, it might change events that you do with loved ones or how that works. And that's okay. And that will take some time to figure out how that looks. And one of the things I realize is that sometimes as the hearing partners, we don't understand those limits, right? "You used to like to go to lunch at the pub on Wednesdays, and now you don't ever want to go with me what's wrong, what-" And they take it may be personal or they may be take ithat there's a disinterest because there is still such a huge misconception around hearing loss, especially for those of us that are hearing. What can you change for that? If both of you want to do something and Wednesday's date night, what can you change? That's a discussion you have. Maybe it's a large group lunch, and it just can't happen anymore. And how to be okay with, I can go alone, or you can go alone to that event, and still have fun, it doesn't hurt my feelings. Those type of limits. How do we I don't even know how to give advice on how to expand those limits other than broken record, Julia, you gotta sit down and have an open conversation that says, you know, we can support each other other ways? How do we change those, I think those limits cause grief, right? So you got to get through the grief, then you've got to get through the communication boundaries on it. And then you've got to get to the limit and be okay with it. I don't know. I'm still working this one out. So.

Chelle: This is Chelle. Limits are tough, even just personally. You know, for me, lately, I like to do everything ever since I was a kid, I wanted to do everything until I was so completely exhausted. That I would be sick every Monday. So my parents had to limit my activities through the weekend, so that I could get through the week at school without being sick. And that was a hard one for me to take. It's still that way. I still want to do everything. And I can't. And I have a friend who she's reminding me, you have to conserve your energy. And I'm, ehh, I am getting old now. And I really really can't do it all. So it's a tough one. And it up. I've spent like last week I was at a Senior Expo here in town. And it was eight hours. In a very noisy busy environment. I was, I talked to, you know, I would say at least 100 people through both days at least. And I'm scheduled to work for eight hours. But by six hours, I was just absolutely done. And I did hit my limit. Thank goodness it did start slowing down and another person showed up and could start helping with the people and the questions. So I am learning my limit still. That sometimes it has to do with hearing loss too. Yeah, I want to go but I have to think about the situation and plan ahead for it. Now how am I feeling? Am I too tired? Will I be too tired to participate? Will I be okay once I get there? Maybe I need to take a nap before I go. Maybe I just say no and encourage my husband to go without me because that's not my thing. Sometimes it's not even my thing without hearing loss, like okay, I go with this group of people. I don't have anything to say. But if I go to a group of hard of hearing people, I can keep the conversation going all day long. But there's certain activities I don't have that much interest in. So I'm limited in a way, but it's okay to be. "No." And that's what I'm practicing. I'm practicing the word no more often so that I can conserve my energy with hearing loss. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I feel like I'm saving myself for better things.

Julia: That's a good way to look at it. Let's talk missing out a minute. I was going to talk about how I was giving you limits earlier today, because I know you hit the wall sometimes when I said, let's change class times because you're going to be tired. So that's a thing a hearing partner can do. This, you're gonna hit your limit. So let me take this on, because I can absolutely handle it. And it will help you to do this. That was a small example. It has nothing to do with missing out right, but missing out. So sometimes I think we're afraid we're missing out when we're not. And I think sometimes, and Chelle, you can totally tell me, I'm totally off the wall with this. Okay? Because I'm coming out of left field, right. I think we confuse missing out and hearing loss, in this sense that we feel our hearing loss is making us miss out. But is it? Or is it changing your outlook of what you're missing out on? Is it making you focus more on what you really wish you had more of? I think, going back to childhood, right? You're always afraid you're gonna miss out on that big party. You're always afraid you're gonna miss out with your friends. This friend maybe had a curfew at midnight, but yours was 11. And you were always afraid what you were missing out on from that 11 to 12 o'clock, right? Which was probably nothing at all and/or maybe trouble. But you're, you're missing out. And then you add age on there. So now, you're hearing loss. Now you're looking at age right? Now, maybe you have glasses. So eyesight has some problems. Now you got hearing loss age, and maybe eyesight issues. So it builds and I think it becomes overwhelming. Making your limits look like they are mountains versus mole hills. Hills. Sorry, I didn't say that very well. So I'd love to see what the captions came up with. But instead of mole hills that allow you to overcome. Or am I being crazy here. I'm Yeah, I know. I'm being crazy. But I'm thinking it's just a human nature, right. It's a human nature sometimes to make a mountain out of so much overwhelming stuff, instead of peeling back the layers and saying, Okay, I can do this. I can do this. I can't do this, because I've got 40 hours of work this week. It's a Friday night. It ain't gonna happen. But what can I do to change that limitation? No, we can't go to the pub and watch Friday night basketball. Can we come to my house this week, and let's do it and you know, with the TV, you're in charge of this, you bring the dip, you bring the beer, we can have a great time, you can crash on the couch, whatever that looks like to help change those limits to help each other. And I don't know about you, but as I get older, going to the pub and hanging out isn't something I necessarily want to do all night. I'm really happy to put my jammies on at eight, nine o'clock at night. Watch the game that way. [laughter]

Chelle: There's a fear of missing out. And you know, they do say that FOMO fear of missing- fear of missing out. Yes. FOMO. So, here's something I really really don't talk about that much. And you guys can let me know how you feel about this. But I used to hang on every word. I wanted to be involved with every single conversation. I didn't want to be told Never mind I'll talk to you later. Say later, it's not important. You don't- No. Well actually, if they say that I will make them tell me just because they said that. But I learned to let go. Finally, because hearing loss is all about energy, and how much energy you want to spend. And I realize, most people say the same stuff over and over and over. Most people, this is bad. Most people don't have a lot to say. They're just talking to fill space. Not everybody, okay? I'm not generalizing, but there's just sometimes I give myself that out. And I've learned to let go, it's really okay, if I don't hear, if I can't hear Joey talk about this again, I can just let it go. And if they're laughing, that's fine. Maybe I can just sit back and watch body language instead. I love watching body language. So that's a lot of fun. And that's how I swap out the fear of missing out. Like, I feel like I have special powers now with body language. So I just, I swap it out for something new.

Julia: I'd like that. And, you know, I think we need to be respectful. I think this goes back to what I was trying to, say hearing partners can do, talking about our classes, of those limits, and help with them. And not, [alarm ringing]  wow, that went really fast. And not limit. That's really, really important to me that we figure out how to get through to those core, making mountains out of mole hills that are the hearing partners. You don't need to make a mountain out of it. If a smaller gathering at the pub is what's needed then have two different pub nights in a month or whatever that looks like. If the restaurant you love to go to doesn't work. Find a new restaurant, it's a perfect opportunity to expand your horizon and and find something new or do a picnic, a quiet picnic. I don't know. I'll stop rambling because that's what I do. Anyways, we hope this helps you understand. Limits are scary, but they're necessary for your hearing health. And it's okay to set limits just like it's okay to set boundaries, just like it's okay to say I'm not done grieving. Just like it's okay to say I want to- you know, whatever it is, Anyways, all of these concepts we actually talk over and over again about in our lipreading concept class. Our lipreading concept class is so much deeper than teaching you lipreading. It's taking probably tools you already know and have, and learning how they work with lipreading. But these are all great reminders, these workshops, these workbooks allow you a way to sit down and go through your journey and have better outcomes for yourself and your friends and family. How to bring them along with you. November is all about technology for us. And again, Chelle's putting together a great workshop, she I called her the guru, she loves learning new technology and she loves sharing it. So it is a great opportunity to find tools for these upcoming holidays that you might want to look at or use to have better outcomes at your family gatherings. And maybe talk the limits of what those technology and family gatherings can be, you know, along the lines of one on one and all of those things. We hope you are enjoying. Remember to watch for our lip shapes and lipreading classes to come out this winter. I'd love to see you there. And as always have a great day.

Bye. 

Chelle: ba-bye!